For a long time now, Hollwood has decided it’s easier, and more lucrative, to take a classic film from our childhood and vomit all over it.
CASE AND POINT…
“Charlie and The Chocolate Factory“
Talk about destroying a childhood memory.
This film is the epitome of Hollywood’s hubris. The original was a classic film loved by millions. The remake,
(which I admit I was excited to see… Tim Burton and all)
was a disappointment.
So, in the spirit of good faith… I took it upon myself to compile a short list of films that Hollywood SHOULD remake. Movies that were awesome childhood favorites. But if done right, could be even better for a new audience of children and grown-ups!
“The Last Starfighter“ (1984)
I LOVE This film. So, a part of me feels dirty just saying this… but… done right, it could be a great remake. More a cult classic than blockbuster, The Last Starfighter has all the elements…
Friendly Iguana Like Creatures.
Head Melting Devices
And a love story thrown in for good measure.
Basically, a video-gaming boy (Alex Rogan), feels doomed to remain stuck at his trailer park all his life, until he is recruited to fight in a Galactic war.
Like I said, it’s a childhood favorite of mine. I’d seen it at least 50 times, no joke. But, with today’s special effects, you could do a lot with it. They wouldn’t even have to mess with the script too much. It‘s full of memorable characters, witty humor, great one liners, and emotionally moving moments.
“Teriffic. I’m about to get killed a million miles from nowhere with a gung-ho iguana who tells me to relax.” – Alex Rogan.
I know, I know.. it’s a classic. I have such fond memories of this film.
But this movie could be an amazing remake. The concept is epic. Some girl get’s trapped in a magic Labyrinth that she must complete in 13 hours or her little brother will be the sole property of the Gobling King! Perfect!
Like The Last Starfighter, this movie holds tons of strange characters. Kids would eat it up. And again, with today’s special effects, this film could be huge.
Though, I must admit, David Bowie’s cod piece would be missed.
Jareth: You remind me of the babe.
Goblin: What babe?
Jareth: The babe with the power.
Goblin: What power?
Jareth: The power of voodoo.
Goblin: Who do?
Jareth: You do.
Jareth:Remind me of the babe.
“Cloak & Dagger“ (1984)
This is one of those films that wasn’t seen by many and the rest have vague memories of. I liked it as a kid, but when me and my fellow Nerds and Nerdettes sat down to watch it again, we realized it wasn’t as amazing as we had remembered. But the story itself was unique.
11-year-old Davey’s mother is dead, and his father doesn’t spend enough time with him. The boy loses himself in video games and even has an imaginary friend (a super-resourceful secret agent). When Davey accidentally comes into possession of a spy group’s secret plans (hid inside a video games program), he winds up on the run.
This movie has crazy nerds, murder, spies, video games, kids on the run, 3 fingered ladies, and lots of action.
And Dabney Coleman plays a super spy. A-MAZE-ING!
An updated version of this film could be pretty hard core. And I suggest they bring back The Dab!
Davey Osborne: [into walkie-talkie] Jack Flack to Lady Ace. Come in, Lady Ace.
Kim Gardener: [into walkie-talkie] Yeah, Davey. What is it?
Davey Osborne: Come on, Kim. Play right.
Kim Gardener: Fine. Fine. Lady Ace to Jack Flack. Do you read me?
Davey Osborne: Loud and clear. I’ll proceed to the building and you follow me in.
Kim Gardener: This is what I meant by “embarrassing”.
Oh… and there’s this.
“Ice Pirates“ (1984)
Another favorite from my childhood. I little racy for my age I suppose, but most of the jokes went over my head. And though I loved it, I think you could make a pretty amazing remake of it.
In the far future water is the most valuable substance. Two space pirates are captured, sold to a princess, and recruited to help her find her father who disappeared when he found information dangerous to the rulers. A True Space Opera, with sword fights, explosions, fighting robots, monsters, bar fights and time warps.
And… Space Herpes.
With the right director, a remake would be, dare I say, even better than the original.
Of course, I have very little confidence in Hollywood remaking any of these properly.
But, a Nerd can dream… can’t he?!